Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
this boner is exhausting
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
that may or may not have been my penis.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
