Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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