I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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