Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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