it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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