so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
