you traded sex for a burrito?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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