I accidentally had phone sex last night
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
