oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
