he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
