Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Randomize
