the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
