I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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