If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
