Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
