i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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