the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
