I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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