i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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