i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
