Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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