The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
