You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
