I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize