If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize