How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
