took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
