I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
