what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
