I think I won the penis lottery.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
