so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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