That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize