I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
