I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
