chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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