oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
