i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
