Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize