Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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