im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
