I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize