while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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