cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
