You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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