ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
