at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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