Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
