i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
