Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
