she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
