Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
