is your mom at the bar?
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
