I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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