I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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