Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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