she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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