so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
where am i from again
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Randomize
