I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
