Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
