marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
