How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
