capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
