She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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