history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
