You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
