I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
