My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
