I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize