My first STD was from a foam party
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize