I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Even my vagina gasped.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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