I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
