Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
