I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
