A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
