If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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