i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
